So I ran the Ubuntu 12.04 livedisc that I downloaded for a few hours before finally realizing that I have a hard drive sitting here that I could install it to and a USB enclosure I could put said hard drive into. Combine that with setting my BIOS to boot off of USB, and we have ourselves a semi-decent workaround for the issue at hand.
lol
Much later edit: Well, except for the fact that the INSTALLER FUCKING CRASHED, yeah. Also, lol@myself for making so many tweaks to a livedisc environment that will just be wiped when I reboot. Srsly. More about these to come in another post.
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