Sandwich Bros. of Wisconsin Cheeseburgers

I had a hankerin' for a frozen hamburger and saw these in the freezer section.  My thought was "oh cool, a poor man's bierock!", and that it had just been sliced in half for show on the label.  I soon found out that this is not the case, what they tout as "6 sandwiches" is really "6 half-sandwiches".

They also say they're made with "real cheese", but they actually contain American pasteurized processed plastic cheese food product instead.  Don't try to convince me it's real cheese, it's not made the same way real cheese is made.

The directions tell you to place it "cheese" side up, wrapped in a paper towel, on a plate before microwaving it.  However, it's down to luck whether or not you can tell which side is the "cheese" side.  On some of the ones in my box it was obvious; on others the bread stuck out too far and curled over.  On the one I happened to pick first, I had to gently peel the bread back a bit to see where the "cheese" was.

As far as the microwave directions go, they actually tell you what wattage microwave they used when developing them, so that's good.  Way too many companies omit that basic information.

After microwaving (the directions are for a 1100 watt microwave, mine is 1200 watts) the bread comes out tough, which is sad, and only the beginning of the depression.  After biting in, I noted a distinct lack of flavor.  There's clearly food in my mouth and I'm eating it, but I'm not really enjoying it because it doesn't taste like anything.

So, to offer some constructive criticism, here's some ways they could be made better:

1. Don't slice them in half to sell three of them as "6 sandwiches".
2. Use real cheddar cheese and not that fake shit.
3. Make the hamburger patty actually have flavor.
4. Failing any of that, drop the price from $6 to $3 to better reflect the contents of the package.

Seriously, on that last point, I thought I was paying $1 per burger and getting a pretty good deal, but in reality I paid $2 per burger and was incredibly disappointed.  Re-read the second sentence of the first paragraph of this post for why I thought this.

The worst part: After the initial disappointment, I still had five more half-burgers to eat.  As I ate them over the course of the next week, I added mustard to each one just before eating to at least add some flavor.  It wasn't a fluke with the first one, all I ever tasted was the mustard.  It's not impossible to make a frozen burger with flavor, White Castle does it quite well.

The verdict: avoid.  They have other products which I didn't try, and I don't know if I ever will.  Mostly because I value being physically fit, but also, this wasn't a good first impression.

Forthcoming Series: Pursuit of the Perfect Frozen Burger

I've seen these frozen hamburgers and other similar sandwich-type-things in freezer aisles for a while, and partaken in a few, with some good and some bad.  But I haven't really properly prepared them for maximum quality, which being me I would require in order to compare them.

So basically, the main thing to note is something I touched on in a previous post about frozen sandwiches: thaw them out before heating them in the microwave.  They turn out so much better.  Don't even put them in the freezer when you get home from the store, just chuck them in the fridge.

Also, I'm always a little weary of microwave directions that involve leaving the sandwich in its plastic wrapper, even with one end open.  So for the purposes of this series of posts I'll be ignoring any such directions and placing the sandwich on a plate for heating.

Last but not least, if American plastic cheese-facsimile food product is included in the sandwich, I will be removing it, and adding a small amount of extra microwave time to melt some Sargento Sharp Cheddar Cheese or Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese onto the product after it's warmed up.  Cheddar is better, after all.

Also, why haven't there been any food-related posts here recently?  A few friends and I were going to start a dedicated food blog.  I was taking more in-depth notes about things and lamenting my lack of a decent camera (both phone and 3DS produce ass-quality 640x480 JPEGs), and in general holding any post I would have posted here so that it could be fully fleshed out for the food blog.  However, the food blog has yet to materialize, but I'm still getting random frozen things from the store.  So I've resolved to just resume posting food posts here until such time as we actually get the food blog going, if at all.  Which kinda sucks because we've got a really good name for it.  Anyway.

Basically in the near future you can look forward to more frozen food posts from me, in particular posts in the aforementioned series titled "Pursuit of the Perfect Frozen Burger".  Will a frozen burger ever match up to one that's made fresh?  Probably not.  Will a frozen burger still be delicious?  Sure thing.  Will the series be limited to just hamburgers or will it cover other similar things like chicken sandwiches that are often right next to the burgers on the shelf?  Limiting oneself is kinda bad.  I had a pretty decent chicken sandwich from a frozen section earlier tonight, actually, so I'm definitely including them in the series.

(also, a similar frozen food pursuit series might happen alongside it since there's something I've been lacking for a few years now, nudge nudge wink wink hype hype)