"Alcopops"? Seriously?

Relevant link: Bill Would Make 'Alcopops' Less Available (go here if it bugs you to log in)

So I gave today's Washington Post my usual glance to see if anything would catch my eye besides the comics. Lo and behold, I saw a small blurb on the front page of the Metro section talking about fruit-flavored malt beverages and how they're trying to limit their sale or some bullshit.

They call them "Alcopops". I'm not making this up. I couldn't come up with anything half as stupid if I tried. When you make up a diminishing name for them like that, it's going to be pretty easy to get whatever legislation you want passed in regards to them. That name (made up by opponents of the drinks!) does more of a job of making it look like they're marketing towards underage people than any of the actual official marketing does.

Basically, they contend that somehow these fruit-flavored malt beverages are contributing to drunk driving and underage drinking. You know, moreso than all the other fucking alcoholic beverages out there. They say that "Alcopops are not beer" and therefore they need a higher tax and can't be sold in places only licensed to sell beer, meaning that right away the only place we'd be able to buy these things is at an ABC store. The only times I want to go to an ABC store are when I need more whiskey, rum, or vodka. Because a 5.5% alcohol by volume malt beverage is so on par with something that's been distilled to be 40% or higher.

They're actually right about the "they're not beer" thing, though. From a technical standpoint, they're not beer. However, they're similar enough in alcohol content (fucking weak) and form factor (bottles, sold in six packs) that they should be treated the same.

What this boils down to in my eyes is the government trying to take parental responsibility into its own hands. If parents would be vigilant about preventing their kids from drinking, preventing them from hanging out with the people who supply them with alcohol, and teach them about the dangers of drunk driving with an emphasis on "DON'T DO IT OR YOU'RE FUCKING RETARDED" (okay, maybe a little sugarcoating on that), we wouldn't have this problem. We don't need laws to do what parents should have already been doing.

It's true that this is happening in Maryland and that it doesn't affect me since I live in Virginia, but if it passes, it will set a legal precedent and other laws like it in other states are sure to follow. I'm not a lawyer (lol disclaimer), but being the offspring of an electrical engineer (with two patents) and a computer science major, I can think logically.