Sunday, December 9, 2012

Boring ass-anime movies

You know what I'm talking about.  Yes, you fucking know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about.  You'll be discussing anime movies with someone and sure enough, up it comes.  A boring movie.  Yet, you're not allowed to say it's boring because it's somehow a work of fucking genius.  Haven't heard of any of these movies?  Well, there's a reason why.  It's because they suck.  If you have, you know what I'm talking about.  Titles such as '5 Centimeters Per Second' and 'Momo e no Tegami'.

I have seen both, and neither was very enjoyable.  5 Centimeters per second had two distinct parts to me: the first being a really long train ride for a guy to meet up with his long distance girlfriend and not do anything that one might expect to do when meeting up with one's long distance girlfriend, i.e. get dinner together, go see a movie, and if the correct cards are played, get laid; and then the rest of the movie which didn't seem to have any relation to the first part.  It's been a while, thankfully, so I can't really go any more in-depth than that.

Momo e no Tegami I was subjected to last night, and it was just boring.  As I described it to a friend (and on Twitter), it was 75% boring, 15% sad, and 10% comedy.  Basically for every nine minutes of utter drivel, there's one enjoyable minute.  Momo is angsty the entire time, and she mopes about until what little semblance of plot the movie has kicks in.  Then afterwards she seems to be happy.  The problem is, you have to sit through the majority of the movie to get to the small bit of plot.

When criticizing these kinds of movies, I've had foul looks and arguments of "you don't need explosions in everything" thrown back at me.  Yes, I know that not everything needs to explode.  My name isn't Michael Bay.  I still expect a movie to be entertaining, which these types of movies utterly fail at.  The worst part is, I can't even give any suggestions for improvement, because these types of movies are so far departed from anything decent at all.  But then again, trying to improve these types of movies to where they're at the very least passable is like trying to gold-plate an elephant turd.  It just distracts the viewer from the bad without actually getting rid of it.

1 comment:

  1. Aww man, that's too bad. I was really looking forward to this film. I thought it would have the same feeling as "Spirited Away", but more comical. You don't seem to be the only reviewer who was bored by this movie. Oh well..I'll watch it, but I won't have high expectations. I still can't get myself to watch " 5 Centimeters Per Second." But now I know I'm not missing anything special. Thanks for the amusing review.


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