Saturday, April 2, 2016

Red Baron Minis Deep Dish

Saw them at the store.  They don't appear to be terribly new or anything (no "NEW!" callout on the box), I just hadn't noticed them before.  They're basically a mass-market version of what a friend and I tried to make a couple months ago with storebought pizza dough and a muffin pan: miniature deep dish pizzas.

Looking at the directions, nothing seems out of the ordinary.  Until you realize that they call for them to be in the oven for 16-18 minutes, which is silly.  I know ovens are slower and deliver better quality overall, but 16-18 minutes is ridiculous for miniature pizzas about two inches in diameter.  Not wanting to wait that long, I microwaved them, using the included crisping "trays", for a comparatively shorter minute and 45 seconds.

Why did I put the word "trays" in quotes?  Well, because the provided "trays" have no sides.  Come on, Red Baron, this is a joke.  Bagel Bites can afford to provide a damn tray with sides, why can't you?

Also, looking at the directions again while I write this post, the entire back of the box where the directions are is a giant wall of text.  Half of it is in Spanish as well.  Being bilingual is nice, I guess, but the resulting wall of text makes some details harder to notice.  The human brain just goes straight into "skim" mode and the reader ends up missing things or having to take a few minutes to read it just to make sure they've got it right.

If the oven directions called for them to be in the oven for about 8-10 minutes, I could see actually heating them up in the oven.  After all, our own homemade miniature deep dish pizzas were in the oven for about 10 minutes.  Sure, these are frozen, but that detail is relatively insignificant considering the temperatures ovens can get to.

The pizzas themselves were pretty good, though they have Red Baron's signature puddle of grease.

So, what have we learned?  If they provided proper microwave crisping trays with sides, as well as sane oven directions, they'd be more attractive to grab from the store on a more regular basis.  As-is, you either have to predict your hunger by $OVEN_PREHEAT_TIME + 16-18 minutes, or use the crisping "trays" on a plate as the microwave directions specify.  It'd be nice to not need the plate, and thus not need to wash said plate later.  Also, the sodium content is through the roof for something this small.

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